How you can make a weakness a strength

February 8, 2010 – 6:12 pm

Or, what if Ralph Waldo Emerson had it wrong?

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The relationships between weaknesses and strengths is as complex as our personalities. We all seem to have a weakness that can cripple us. We see ourselves as an imperfect model of the perfect human being.

Who is this perfect human being we model ourselves upon? Because from this model you you get that some qualities are weaknesses and some are strengths.

And from there, that moment of dissatisfaction, we act to eliminate or ignore the weaknesses while striving to improving the strengths. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Our strength grows out of our weaknesses” and Shailendra Singh said “If you know your strength it never becomes a weakness.”

But what if they had it wrong?

To what extent can we change weakness into a strength? Or do you ignore your weaknesses and only focus on developing your strengths? Neither, because the problem is not with the weakness or the strength but with our view of it.

It is a question of language and labeling and not of fault and failing.

There is something wrong with the idea that we consist of prepacked weaknesses and strengths. That we are imperfectly designed to do what we should be doing.

The problem is not with us

It is with the mirror.

Imagine that the mirror you view yourself in has the outline of a perfect human body painted on it. No matter what you do with yourself there is nothing you can do to make your image match the shape in the mirror.

The problem is not with you, it is the mirror that is broken. And the mindset that draws the outline.

Jack Handy got a little closer when he said “If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness”. But even accepting that your weaknesses will not become strenghts still locks you into the image in the broken mirror.

We are conditioned to see the world with a perspective of weakness and strength.

A sheep has a terrible weakness in that it cannot bark or bite and therefore is an abysmal watchdog. The poor sheep placed into the watchdog position is forced to work on their weaknesses and give gummy bites or bleat with a deeper voice. They will never be as good as the true watchdog.

But what of the watchdog in the field, assigned to grow wool. Poor thing, the terrible disadvantage it must overcome to succeed.

Clearly for the sheep and the dog it is a matter of placing them in the correct context and their weaknesses evaporates. Weakness and strenght is a matter of opinion, only such within certain parameters.

The context of the strong

Dominant and pervasive contexts require everybody to have certain strengths. Productivity is one of these. If you do not have the ability to be a productive getting-it-done person you are weak.

In time of war being able to kill a human being and carry on with no guilt is a strength. In a time of peace it is a delibating weakness. Yet it is not the quality that changed but the context.

Fine, anything you regard as a weakness or strength can be seen in a different light in a different context.

But how much should you accept the context imposed on you? Or should you be responsible and able to create your own reality? If you can create your own reality then you can create a reality where every one of your weaknesses becomes a strength.

Escape the duality

But you will still be caught in a duality, having to choose between things to balance. The problem is denying aspects of yourself by giving them negative connotations.

What if you do not call them weaknesses or strengths? Call them cold qualities and warm qualities. Which is better, cold or warm? It depends if you are thirsty or if you want to take a bath. Both are appropriate in the right context.

It is not a question of making your warm qualities hotter or worse, taking your cold qualities and making them lukewarm. It is a process of taking all your qualities and building a new concept of yourself and then recreating your context where your self can be a complete functioning person.

The question is not: How do I beat my weakness?

Be complete

Accepting my “weakness” as a quality without assigning it goodness or badness give me a perspective on myself as a whole person. You can be so much more than just a person consisting of a finite number of strengths while being hobbled by irrevocable faults in your make-up.

You are neither weak nor strong. You are be complete if you can only understand your completeness.

And from your completeness recreate your world.

By Gerhi Janse van Vuuren | Posted in Eccentric Truths | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

When reality bites

January 16, 2010 – 3:06 pm

Two weeks into the new year reality starts to bite. You kicked of with all your resolutions and threw all your energy into your favourite projects. You showed great discipline and focus and things were really clicking along.

But now you get to the point where the admin you have been ignoring, just to get everything else going, has piled up enough to demand attention.

You plan your next couple of weeks and you realise that you do not have the time in your day to include the new project that will be starting soon. And you know you have to fit it in because that’s the one that’s going to pay the bills.

And your account statements having been arriving just after your bills so you know it is going to be a tight squeeze no matter what happens.

So what do you do?

Do you dive into despair and depression or do you gird your loins and enter the fray?

It doesn’t matter because in the end gritting your teeth or hiding under a rock will get you the same results – stress, ulcers and an earlier death.

When I worked at the Tatham Art Gallery we sometimes had power outages. That means the electricity stopped.

And that meant the lights went of, the computers died and the only one phone line functioned (because the switchboard had no ups).

Time slows down

In these rare times I was immediately struck by the sense of time slowing down. I wondered about the speed of life more than a hundred years ago. Maybe it was because of the age of the building.

In the late 1800s, when the building was built, life certainly happened at a different rate. And yet it seems as if people managed to accomplish so much more.

So, when life charges at you I want you to slow down rather than speed up or run away. Switch of the computer and the phone and the lights and just become aware of yourself and where you are in this world.

  1. Clear your desk, take out a clean piece of paper and write down what is important to you. What is the one thing that you would like to do today, now, that would make your day worthwhile.
  2. Then go and do that one thing for the next hour or so. If you can complete it in that time then great. If it is a bigger project like writing a book then just make a significant dent. Spend the time on it with your full attention.

The world is not going to stop. Nobody will die. Life will carry on and everything you need to do will still be there to do when you are done.

But first, now, you need to know that you can do the things that you want to do despite everything else.

Just a note: If you are in essential services like fighting fires or nursing terminally ill patients then yes, somebody might die if you take of an hour or two.

Take your hour when you can afford to, but remember to take it as soon as you can – you owe it to yourself.

By Gerhi Janse van Vuuren | Posted in Simple Passion | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Dealing with a Procrastinator

November 26, 2009 – 12:01 pm

How to get the job done when you are working with people who work for themselves

Hi, I am Gerhi and I am a procrastinator.

(Just a note that I am writing this article from an insider perspective and you can see it as a confession of serial procrastination if you want to.)

When I worked for the Tatham Art Gallery one thing that baffled us, and we discussed this frequently at staff meetings, was why people who worked for themselves just could not seem to get the job done.

You would phone contractor to come in to give a quote and they would not reply to any of the numerous messages you left.

Or you got hold of them and they make promises to come by and never pitch, repeatedly. People that you do get to quote would not manage to get the job started. You waited months to see the first signs of progress.

Or jobs would get started and then get hung up at some muddling point, just never getting finished. And if the job got finished people never get around to invoicing for work done. So you could not pay them, get on with life, and get on to the next thing that needs doing.

Procrastination baffles me and you

When I left the gallery I started doing some freelance website work in addition to my own writing. And what baffled me after a couple of months was that I was doing exactly the same thing that baffled us at the gallery. I told people I would quote and I never got around to it. I’d start a job and just don’t seem to get going on it. I’d finish a job but not quite, a small aspect just never gets done. Or I finish a job and then I neglect to invoice for it.

Why do I do that?

I am still working on an answer to that question but before that, this question: If you have to deal with me, or somebody like me, how do you get the job done?

Start with positive assumptions about procrastinators

Let me answer by giving you a couple of very big assumptions that you need to make. If you can’t make these assumptions about people who work for themselves then let’s just part ways. You will never find any joy in working with people who work for themselves.

  • Firstly, you have to assume that I want to do the job you gave me and want to a good job of it while I am at it. If you do not believe that I will give you the best job at the best price why did you ask me to do it in the first place? You have to assume this about me (and I do about myself and others who in turn work for me) because it works out better to think the best of people. It keeps me civil and positive and that puts everybody in better frame of mind.
  • Secondly, you have to assume that I am not deliberately trying to sabotage your job or myself. That if we work together then I want to solve the problem as much as you want to and that there is no ill intent in my non-performance, no matter how irritating or inconvenient the result may be to you.

You have to accept that my intentions are honorable. That I want to do a good job. That I would like to finish what I started and I would like to get honest pay for honest work in a reasonable time frame.

But we know this does not happen. So what can you do?

Know the reality of working for yourself

A big problem with people who work with themselves is that they need to plan and manage their own lives. And shockingly I have to admit that I am not so good at it. To be honest, I stink, and so do many other freelancers.

I have numerous irons in the fire and I am constantly playing a balancing act. Frequently what is wailing the loudest gets the most attention. I know, it is bad planning on my part but there you have it. The reality is that your project either becomes an out of sight out of mind casualty or it is relegated to some point on the to do list. Normally somewhere between point 3 and point 7.

The second reality is that even though I do many things, I cannot multitask. And ignore anybody who say they can. They are bullshitting you. I normally only get numbers 1 and 2 on the to do list done. That is if I remember to check the list after I have checked my emails, had my coffee, fetched the kids from school and opened the post. I get distracted and the big jobs, the easy jobs, or the one on top of the pile get the attention. Face it, there is not much of a system going (it’s on to to do list).

It seems as if you are screwed at this point. I am never going to do your job.

Please do not despair. Here’s the answer to your pain:

What you need to do is to keep your project at the front of my mind without laying on the guilt too heavily (guilt will completely paralyze me). Trust me, I worry more about what I don’t get to do than what you do. Even if I only pick it up as subconscious stress.

How do you make me keep your project in mind?

Here are five strategies:

  1. Keep in contact:
    Do not think that I appreciate to be left alone to get on with the job. Even if I promise I will work on it today you can’t take my word for it. I am easily distracted. Drop me a line and check up on me: “Did you get the specs done?”, “How’s the drawings coming along?”, “Hope you had a good week (in other words worked on my project)?” By keeping in contact you make sure that you and your project stay in my sight and in my mind.
  2. Offer your own incompetent advice and assistance:
    No, I do not expect you to do the job that you got me to do in the first place. But you think about the job. You get ideas. Share them in an approachable way: “What do you think of this colour?”, “Can we use this picture?”
    What if you do not have any ideas on the project? Act stupid and ask questions or come up with stupid solutions. Don’t be afraid to make yourself vulnerable. Why? Because I see how clueless you are, how much you need my help and my inner hero jumps on a white horse and charges to your rescue. Trust me, I will do a lot if I get to feel like a hero.
  3. Ask me a stupid question:
    Email me for instance and say: “I can’t remember if we said we wanted it in white or black in that last meeting. What do you remember?” Even if you remember exactly wat we said and have the specs on paper in front of you still as ask a question. Why? In order to answer your question I have to open the file in my brain where I store your project. And while I have the file open I might just as well do something about it.
  4. Give me more work:
    What? Don’t be ridiculous! You aren’t even doing what I already gave you to do!
    I know. That’s the idea. One reason I do not finish jobs is the fear that if I am done what then? I will have nothing to do. I have a great fear of the unknown. Knowing there is more work coming after this is done pushes me onwards. But do not make it too big a job. If it is something small I might finish it before finishing the big projetct. Do not let this worry you. I know it is wrong way round. But it forces the file open and presto, while I have it open I might just as well do something about it.
  5. Give me a because deadline:
    With lots of leeway. But make sure that your deadline has a because. I work best on reasons, not on abstract deadlines.
    What is a because and what is not? This is not a because: “I need it on Monday because I say so.” Nor is this: “I need it by the end of the month because you said you could do it by then.”
    But this is an example of a because: “Could you get it done by Monday because I would like to show it to the board.” Or: “My mother is swinging by for a visit and it would make the place really look spiffy.” (I really don’t want to dissapoint anybody’s mom). And I don’t care if you lie to me. Any reason will do except: “because I say so.”

Each of these 5 anti-procrastination strategies will not get the job done by itself. You need to alternate between the strategies and keep at it. Do not be worried that you will pester me. Unless you are contacting me more than once a day I do not feel you are being a pest. Contact me less than once a week and you are out of sight and out of mind.

Why should you bother fixing my procrastination problem?

First you need to know why this would work? It works because it is a win-win solution. You get your project finished, I get my job done, and we both feel good about it. We have a working relationship because we have a constant conversation about (and around) the work. And a working relationship is what business is about.

Remember that I am working for myself, most probably alone for the bulk of the time. The loneliness gets tedious. The isolation eats you up. Work with me on this and my working will be so much better.

Just a final warning on what you shouldn’t do

  1. Do not make a nuisance of yourself. Once a day is more than enough. More and I will start to resent you and tune you out on purpose. No, I am not malicious. It is probably due to guilt but it won’t solve the problem when you are pestering me.
  2. Don’t put a blank ball in my court. Do not leave messages that just say: “Call me.” It only puts pressure on. It does not open a file. Rather say: “I was thinking about the project and had this idea…What do you think? Can you call me?”
  3. Don’t threaten me. “Get it done or else…” will not move mountains and it won’t move me. The only time you should threaten is if you mean it and you really want to end the relationship. Trust me, ending a relationship will be hard but it will be better for both of us if it is what you need to do.
    But if you don’t intend to end the relationship then threats become empty and won’t get the job done. Threats destroy the relationship. If there is no relationship your anger or frustration won’t move me. Work on the relationship and there is no need for idle threats.

This then is how you get your job done despite my procrastination. Just don’t start procrastinating on your side now. The last thing we both need is a compound problem.

But now you need to excuse me. I need to go find that sneaky to do list of mine.

Gerhi Janse van Vuuren

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By Gerhi Janse van Vuuren | Posted in Eccentric Truths | Tagged , | Comments (0)

How to become a writer with some hope of success

November 26, 2009 – 11:55 am

How to become a writer with some hope of success is not just about learning skills and typing many words. It is not just in what you add to your life but also in what you take away.

What are you giving up to be a writer? Because if you are not giving up something really important to you you might not have what it takes.

On top of the myth that you can be anything you want to be we are building the myth that you can be everything you want to be.

You only have to look at the line up of people for a show such as Idols to know that there are people with a huge amount of want who will never be pop stars. In the same way there are many aspiring writers who just do not have the talent. With talent I do mean some magical quality. I just mean the ability to develop the skills required to be a writer.

How to become a writer is about more than wanting to do it

You have to know that most aspiring writers, no matter how hard they work, will never have any measurable success as writers. It is a mere fact of the nature of writing that has a low entry threshold but a high hurdle to get over to be successful.

There are many reasons why most aspiring writers will not be successful but one reason is that they do not want to be writers. Not in any measurable way more than what they want to be anything else. Therefore their efforts are divided between two, three or more options.

Let’s make the myths more practical – and let me use myself as an example because I know it best.

My journey is not the way how to become a writer

I have wanted to be a writer since high school but I have not had much success so far because:

  • At school and at a variety of times after wards I focused on learning about the making of movies. I spent my energy dreaming about making films and only later came to the conclusion that they type of movies I want to make cannot be made in South Africa. And those that are made are made by a select number of moviemakers. At a point I played with the idea of going more into claymation or stop action to overcome this limitation but it did not pay of.
  • The first book I managed to write was a picture book. I also wanted to illustrate it but at the time my visual art skills was negligible and the project did not get finished.
  • I studied fine art eventually and tried to develop a career as a fine artist. But I did not try very hard because I would interrupt my forward progress to write, develop movie scripts or make another stab at picture books or animation.
  • In between I dabbled in interior design, clothing design, graphic design, entrepreneurial brainstorming and working for a living.
  • By a fluke I ended up doing a post graduate degree in drama studies. Suddenly I was exposed to a world of acting, directing and stage design. In dabbled in all of them adding playwrighting to my repertoire.

Advice from Darwin on how to become a writer

I have a wonderful collection of books I dip in from time to time called the International University Society’s Course. In Section I is an article on Lord Avebury (1834 – 1913). Let me quote the first paragraph:

Sir John Lubbock, first Lord Avebury, once told Charles Darwin that he had only three ambitions in life; to become President of the Royal Society, Lord Mayor of London, and Chancellor of the Exchequer. Darwin’s reply was “You are capable of attaining to any one of these positions, but you can only do so by abandoning the other two.”

The rest of the introduction explains that Lord Avebury did not take Darwin’s advice and proved him right. He lived a “varied” life but he did fulfill any of his three ambitions.

How to become a writer rather than anything else

So to put myself into the same position. I have only three ambitions: To be a successful writer, to be a successful theatre director and to be a successful fine artist. Can I do that? I believe I can achieve any of the three (or any one of a number of other options I could pursue) but only if I put the other two aside.

But I do not want to. Because I believe that I can not only be whatever I want to be but everything I want to be. But is this belief justified? Am I not shooting myself in the foot by trying to do many things at the same time.

Popular wisdom states that it takes approximately 10 years of effort to achieve a professional level of skill and any success in a field. If I choose to attempt three separate fields at the same time I will have to say that it will take me 30 years to gain the same level of success. This will not take into account the amount of time I will waste not knowing which field should be treated as a priority at any given point in time.

Now, if I do achieve a level of success after 10 years per field (30 years combined) I still need to have a career in my chosen fields. The purpose of pursuing any of them is not just to be regarded as a mere beginner but to enjoy continuos and repeated success throughout the rest of my life.

How not to become writer

I am in my early forties. Taking my formula I will be beginning to be successful in my seventies, having a possible successful career after that of at the most 30 years (assuming I live to be a hundred). Which gives me an additional 10 years per field.

But if I only pursue one field exclusively I will hope to have success in my early fifties with a projected successful career further on (assuming again I reach 100) of close to 50 years.

I am not denying here that there are people who manage to be successful in multiple careers. But I suspect that they tend to be successful in one field and then transfer their success to another field, entering the second field at a higher level as mere beginner. Even then people tend to have successful careers consecutively rather than concurrently.

All that explanation brings me to a point where I want to ask a question. What are you giving up in order to be a successful writer?

Because you will not become a writer successful or not unless you do give up some things. And it is always better giving things up willingly than having them being wrenched from your grasp.

And when I am talking here about giving things up I am not talking about watching less television. I am talking about giving up laudable dreams and ambitions you could legitimately pursue because you have the intelligence, skill and talent for it.

Asking another question than just on how to become a writer

Can I give up being a fashion designer? Easily. Can I give up being a theatre director or fine arts? This is a more difficult question. Asked from the other side. Do I want to be a writer more than what I want to be something else?

In the end that is the only question to ask and answer. And if you want to be a professional writer (And I do) then this a question to be asked and answered sooner rather than later.

Gerhi Janse van Vuuren

By Gerhi Janse van Vuuren | Posted in Fiction Writing | Tagged , , , , , | Comments (0)

6 Short Story Elements

November 26, 2009 – 11:47 am

Your short story elements answer the who, what, where, when, how and why questions. These elements are the basic buiding blocks or components of a riveting story.

Construct sound story components – get your story elements in place

Let’s look at the short story elements in more detail:

Who – Every riveting short story has dramatic characters

Whether you start the story with the characters or not, at some point you have to consider and develop dramatic characters. Start by writing at least a one page biography on every one of your major characters. You should only have a couple of characters so this should not be a problem.

This seems like a lot of work but the impact on the story will be incredible.

Under no circumstancs must you include the biographies in your story. The character must be revealed through the story. But how can you reveal a character if you do not know what to reveal?

Back to writing that biography. There are various methods for putting together a biography. You will quicly develop your favourites. What you want to do is to give as many as possible a try. If you can do all of them with your current characters.

At first you might end up writing 10 000 words on a character for a 3500 word story and you won’t even be including any of that writing in the story. That is okay.

Think of your biography as the cutting floor remnants. Just like a movie needs to photograph the clapper board every time wasting hours of film, it does not mean that that footage need to be incuded in the film. Nor does it mean that it is wasted in any way. Without it the film will be almost impossible to put together.

This is the reason why you need to ensure that you develop dramatic characters as one of your foundational story elements.

You can develop your characters before writing the story, using them as a catalyst to develop the story idea. Or you can develop your characters during the writing of your story. You have to try both methods to see what suits you.

What – Every riveting short story has a dramatic situation

Whatever your ideas might be in the end you will have to work it up into a situation. What is a situation? A situation is a set of circumstances in which one finds oneself; a state of affairs. For a short story you need a situation with dramatic potential.

The basic question for a dramatic situation is:

What would happen if…?

Think of a family at breakfast as a situation. It takes place in millions of homes worldwide every day. It is hardly dramatic or remarkable. It is however sufficient for the seeds of a short story if the situation can be given dramatic potential.

For example: What would happen if the family was eating contaminated eggs? Or, what would happen if the daughter needs to tell her parents she’s pregnant?

Neither of these are very good examples. But good examples are not the issue. What is the issue is that a dramatic situation, a situation with potential conflict, is one of the core necessities of a riveting short story.

Take any situation and work out ten alternative dramatic options. Choose the best option and work out ten variations. Repeat this process for as long as you can. You will have more than enough situations and ideas for stories.

Over time you might find that you gravitate to certain type of story ideas. This is okay because it will be essential in the development of your own writing style. But if you are not aware of this it might make your writing stale. Every now and then choose to develop a dramatic situation that does not interest you. Even though the story might fail the struggle will give your writing new depth.

Where – Every riveting short story has a dramatic setting

A dramatic situation is dangerous. At least one of the characters must be exposed or vulnerable or pushed to their limits by the circumstances of the setting. A warm sunny day in the park is only dramatic when a lion has escaped from the nearby zoo. It is not necessary for the character to be aware of the danger in the situation. The reader must however be aware if not of specific danger at least of the hint thereof. A setting must be ominous and threatening.

The setting is one of the story elements that determine the mood and genre of the story.

Back to the warm sunny park. It is not always necessary to have physical danger. A happily married couple walking in the park can also make the setting dramatic if one of them hides a secret. The contrast between inner turmoil and outer calm will give the story stronger impact.

When – Every riveting short story has a dramatic plot

I make a distinction between plot and structure. The plot of the short story is what happens and when it happens. It is a chronological account of events and for that a case of cause and effect. For every cause in the story there is and effect and these build onto each other until a climax is reached or a conclusion is found.

The basics of what happens when is the plot of the story. Add in the who it happens to and you have the basic framework of your story. You need these two story elements to work in concert.

A well developed plot has an inevitable series of events that leads to the climax of the story.

Before I forget, the story structure is how the plot events are organised to tell the story. The plot determines what the climax is. The story strucuture determines where in the story you reach the climax.

Read my description of a plot structure for a novel.

How – Every riveting short story has a dramatic conflict

Dramatic conflict bring the basic being or values of the characters into question. Dramatic conflict is faced because the character cannot do otherwise. They will lose themselves, either their identity or their very lives, unless they step up and face the conflict.

No character faces the final conflict with a guarantee of success. Dramatic conflict is dramatic because the character can fail. The less chance there is for success, the more desperate the situation, the stronger the conflict.

Conflict is also heightened when the character is locked in. A character that can resolve the conflict just by walking away are not locked into a dramatic contest. Conflict is one of the most pivotal story elements.

Why – Every riveting short story proves a dramatic premise

The premise or theme is woven into the dramatic components of the story. The premise answers a question or illustrates an argument. The premise is an argument that is proven false or true for the particular events and characters in this particular story.

It is possible to start with a premise as the idea for a story. It can also develop throughout the story. Before a story is finished the premise must be checked and it must be ensured that the story is consistent in illustrating the premise and that the other story elements supports it.

Gerhi Janse van Vuuren

P.S. Just to make sure you get it here is the story elements again in one dramatic sentence:

In a riveting short story dramatic characters in a dramatic situation and a dramatic setting follow a dramatic plot to a dramatic climax to prove a dramatic premise

By Gerhi Janse van Vuuren | Posted in Fiction Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (0)